Category Archives: Progress reports

How the work is going.

Winston Churchill and “Horatius at the Bridge”

I am German and the most salient aspect of that identity is that I am of a people that has burdened itself with incomparable guilt. The connection is not too familial; my parents got married and conceived myself partly because my mother’s grandfather and my father’s father met in the domestic Lutheran church resistance to Nazi hegemony, the Bekennende Kirche. But I am also a patriot, I deeply love my Fatherland, so it matters. My awareness of the fact that the fascist version of my country eventually got defeated is therefore laden with deep and abiding gratitude. This defeat had many causes, as will be obvious to anyone who has studied it as extensively as I have. The cause most salient to me is that in 1940, UK Prime Minister Winston Churchill personally prevented his United Kingdom and British Empire from exiting the war through a peace deal with Hitler, which would have allowed the Wehrmacht to wage a single front war against the Soviet Union, in which it would inevitably have had more success than it in actuality had in the two front war that eventually ground it down.

The speeches

Churchill achieved this in several ways, arguably largely through his sheer bone-headed denial of the dreadful military situation that bordered on outright lying to his government, king and empire. Most visibly, he did it by writing and delivering a set of objectively epoch-making public speeches that continue to be available on YouTube and continue to bring tears to my eyes.

These speeches have fascinated me for many years. I am a poet and I do claim a degree of expertise in the art of crafting particularly effective sentences, particularly precise word choices and a particularly resonating message. Through this lens, these speeches, known as “Blood, Toil, Tears and Sweat”, “We shall fight on the beaches” and “Never was so much owed by so many too so few”, are exemplary works of poetic art and skill, and it is an uncontroversial historical fact that Churchill actually wrote and delivered them all by himself. So the man was a poet! A conclusion so unlikely it long compelled me to doubt my lone subjective judgment. Why and how would an accomplished soldier and triumphant statesman of world historical stature also be a poet?

The answer is contained in his autobiography. There Churchill admits he was such a poor pupil that he would have never finished school, and would consequently likely never have amounted to anything, had he not won a poetry recital competition by performing from memory one particular poem that, depending on how quickly you recite, goes on for about 25 minutes. I happen to know from experience what committing to memory a very long poem does to a human mind; it remains there to stay! You can never get rid of it. Every time you hear a word that is anywhere in that poem, you recall the line it is in and reactivate the memory of all of what this line is woven into. So that confirmed my lone subjective judgment; Churchill must necessarily have had ringing through his head that one particular poem, from childhood and for his entire life, including the fateful days when he wrote and delivered those pivotal speeches. This begs an obvious question. What the actual fuck was that poem?

The poem

Thomas Babington Macaulay was a late Victorian English scholar of the Roman Empire who drew a surprising and original conclusion. At his time, the British Empire was going out into the world, conquering the natives and inventing anthropology as a tool for that conquest. Finding, in the process, that all peoples who did not use writing, without exception, had oral traditions to pass through the generations what in their society was essential knowledge that every child needed to learn: What do the gods want of us, how did we get here, why do we need to preserve this technology or that social institution, why are we friends with those guys and enemies with those others. As mnemonic devices to aid faithful transmission over the generations, these oral traditions employed drama, poetry and often song. Macaulay realized that the rural Roman Empire, the subject of his extensive studies, was such a society that did not have writing! Writing in the Roman Empire happened in the cities; cities were where the schools and the bureaucracy and non-local trade were situated. The rural population, the pagani, had no use, nor time nor money, for writing. So, Macaulay reasoned, they too must have had such oral traditions that due to the lack of writing would have been lost to history. So he wrote a book of poetic imaginations of what these people would have transmitted to their children, if they had spoken Victorian English: Lays of Ancient Rome. The first chapter, the first poem, the one Winston Churchill memorized, is the suitably dramatized but essentially true story of Horatius Cocles: Horatius at the Bridge. I very strongly recommend everybody to read the entire thing! But here’s my summary anyway.

The hero

In 509 BC, the Romans throw out their king and abolish the monarchy, founding the Roman Republic, the first and only fledgling democracy in the wider area. The king had been tyrannical for a while, but history as written by the victors (such as Livy) emphasizes as pivotal that beforehand, this tyrant had failed to punish his son Sextus for a rape of the wife of a consul. The king and his son Sextus are banished from the city, but the Romans make a big mistake; they don’t kill them.

So the exiles very reasonably go to their royal colleague Lars Porsena, king of the powerful city of Clusium, and complain that they have suffered a coup d’état by terrible uppity commoners and need to borrow his army in order to retake Rome and restore right and proper monarchy. An exciting prospect, because while Rome presents a rich opportunity for plunder, it is also young, small and militarily weak; the Roman Legion has not yet been invented. Many other rulers of the region agree, and the poem spends many lines detailing the enormity of the host that comes assembled to conquer Rome. So one day, the Romans look out over their walls and see the sky blotted out with the dust of the approach, and outlying towns set aflame by, an enormous hostile host.

However, Rome, being young small and weak, is still mostly confined to just one side of the river Tiber, and the army is on the other one! One bridge connects them and since catapults haven’t been invented yet either, the army will have to cross it in order to do any damage. So, basically the Romans could demolish that (fortunately wooden) bridge quickly, and chill.

Yet the invading army has already advanced to the river and devastated the scant defenders on their side of it. How do you demolish a bridge while a large and murderous army stands ready to annihilate any team of demolition workers? And the future Caput Mundi (capital of the world) would have fallen, and the Roman Republic would have been strangled in its crib, had not, in the words of the poem:

Then out spake brave Horatius,
The Captain of the Gate:
“To every man upon this earth
Death cometh soon or late;
And how can man die better
Than facing fearful odds,
For the ashes of his fathers,
And the temples of his gods?

And he goes out, with two friends who leave later, to hold the entire fucking army at the choke point of that bridgehead. He kills and is wounded many times and does manage to defend the destruction of the bridge. So he can’t go back over it and instead jumps into the river Tiber, which fortunately tosses him onto its Roman held bank, where the Romans take him in, celebrate him and build him a statue.

Two and a half millenia later, Rome has gone through a lot but a newer statue of Horatius Cocles is still there and they’re still laying down flowers. As I shall when I visit Rome.

The project

There is one translation of Horatius At The Bridge into German, published in 1888 by Harry von Pilgrim. I am glad someone tried, the archaic language seems appropriate to the subject matter and it does fittingly copy the original verse and meter; tragically, the translation as such is shoddy work that cannot do justice to poetry of such towering import.

Da sprach zu ihm Horatius,
der sonst das Thor bewacht:
“Es steigt ein jeder einst hinab
In finstern Todes Nacht;
Für’s Vaterland zu sterben
Ist wohl des Römers Werth,
Für die Manen seiner Väter,
Für der ew’gen Götter Herd,

Therefore, with the Seven Secular Sermons and the Six Secular Songs complete, my new undertaking is to produce a new and better translation of this poetic monument to heroic defense of democracy in the face of tyrannical invasion. A thousand kilometers west of Ukraine, I begin this work today.

Da nahm das Wort Horatius
der an der Brücke steht:
“Zu jedem Manne tritt einmal
der Tod, ob früh, ob spät.
Und wo als vor dem grimmen Feinde
könnte einer besser fallen,
für die Asche seiner Väter
und für seiner Götter Hallen?

Joyful flowering

With publication of the German language version of the 7th Sermon, the main part, the hard part, of this project has been complete since January. I then published a video recording of myself reading the Sieben Säkulare Sutras in their entirety…

…as a complement to the English language video from last August.

My personal health situation continues to be terminal. I am on a hilariously overpowered highly experimental chemotherapy that despite its (for my type of brain cancer) literally unprecedented intensity has turned out to, very unexpectedly, permit major neurosurgery to be performed during not after. This should postpone my death by several years.

Of course I will spend those doing more Sermons things. I hope to cast (I don’t say recite) the Sermons live at the Church of Interbeing and wherever else will have them, and for that purpose I’m writing songs that shall go between them, Six Secular Songs, because the number of people I hope to enrich with this work is far greater than the number of people who are undaunted by the prospect of doing nothing but meditation for two hours straight. I would also like there to be better audio or video recordings than mine, and to produce good print versions, and to offer it all on the podcast apps, and generally see the thing flower into more and more delightful offerings.

A very dramatic quarter

This quarter, I got very bad news.

  • I learned about my cancer and started treatment for it.
  • The treatment has been grueling.
  • And it will get worse once the chemotherapy starts, but that still beats dying next year.

I also got very good news:

  • I’m getting massive amounts of help with that, from healthcare and friends and family. German heathcare is good, but I seriously cannot (and need not) imagine how anybody, given only that, would deal with this the very bad news above.
  • I completed the German translation of the fourth Sermon.
  • My theory of consciousness got published in the place I was hoping for
    • …and it didn’t receive too much serious criticism. If it is wrong or incomplete, which remains likely, it is at least not obviously wrong.
    • Of course there are people who object to physicalism on principle. Those didn’t like my attack on their favorite reason why they don’t need to accept that everything is nature; but I think they’re just wrong and I have better things to do than metaphysics.
    • I even got invited for an interview about that theory at one of my favorite podcasts, by Eneasz Brodski, who I’ve been a rabid fan of for a long time.
  • I translated Kipling’s “If” into German.
  • Although my health and treatments (and painkillers against the side-effects of the treatments) slow me down a lot, I worked on the German translation of the fifth Sermon. It now stands at 33 of 80 stanzas completed.
    • I’ll translate the sixth and seventh next, obviously.
    • But it is really time to seriously think about what poetry writing or poetry translation I will do afterwards. Nothing to announce yet, but I do have a plan and I enjoy that.
  • I got to read, to a large-ish audience at a famous regular literature event, in German, an abbreviated summary of the first five Sermons, modified in order to not make the meditation aspect too obvious. Everyone seemed to like it, a few came to me afterwards outright ecstatic. This new version of the text should serve me well at future occasions where I might get to read out loud to an audience that brings less time and no inclination to meditate.
  • I wrote another thing, in prose not in poetry, but also very meaningful to me. It should be published in a week or two. The writing helped a lot against the pain and fear, and what I wrote might help others too.

Still, the cancer is holding me back. That is also why this quarterly report is delayed. But the most important thing (completion of the seventh Sermon) and also the first video of the entire thing, was already in my extracurricular mid-quarter report so I guess it’s fine.

Progress on several sidelines (Q2 2024)

I mentioned before that was going to do the scary part: to spell out my explanation of consciousness, which needs to be part of the 7th Sermon, in prose first, in order to see whether it actually makes sense, by making it explicit and exposing it to the critical attention of others. I’ve been incubating this idea since one particular moment of insight hit me back in (I think) 2011 as I was walking home from my job at the time as a research associate in an EEG lab, through a sunlit summer park. From the moment the Sermons were conceived as a concept, in early summer 2012, I knew this had to be part of the 7th Sermon. But for 12 years it was just a bunch of ideas in my head that I thought and meditated about.

I had a very strong feeling it was right, which was in tension with my understanding that it rationally didn’t deserve that, because it amounts to a claim to have solved the hard problem of consciousness, unsolved for decades despite concerted efforts of very many very smart people. This quarter, I wrote it all out, and failed to find such a flaw myself. And several friends far more educated in philosophy than I am, who I solicited feedback from, didn’t find it either.

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Completion is on the distant horizon

The first quarter of 2024 is only half done, but there is enough progress to warrant a report.

Work on the seventh sermon has progressed satisfactorily. The single thread to be spun through the many Big Ideas is becoming clear. While much of the narrative that needs to become stanzas is quite complex, I currently feel I’m probably up to the task. The draft currently stands at 33 stanzas, with a few more removed since the last progress report. I’m increasingly optimistic I might finish it before the end of this year, if the vicissitudes of life permit it. This means I’m nearing completion of the entire set of seven!

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The pinnacle

The fourth quarter of 2023 was a very productive one.

  1. I have made some progress translating the fourth sermon into German, and hope to have it done by summer for my grandmother’s next birthday.
  2. With my father, I derived a new song from the fourth sermon much like Children of the Milky Way was derived from the first. We premiered it to some of our family yesterday. I’ll post that one next. It was written in English and German (so the German version of the song is a kind of preview of the translated sermon) near simultaneously…
  3. …much Iike The dockyard masters / Die Meister eines Docks.

These three are just neatly circumscribed side projects set apart from the huge construction zone of The Noticing Machine.

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Sermon Six: Draft One

A month after the previous progress report, there is already surprisingly much new progress to report. Sermon number six, “Our Maps and Territory”, has become an unfinished, but structurally complete, first draft. So now we’re in the sixth polishing stage. Trembling with nervousness, I will now solicit feedback and suggestions for improvements from a very few select friends, go over each stanza many times to make each as good as I can, add a few details still missing from the narrative, and swap out or cut the weakest bits.

Usually I write about 120 stanzas and cut out a third to get to the final count of strictly 80. I’m pretty sure I have already removed around 40 stanzas from this one, and the count still stands at 82. I already know I have to add at least one section with around three stanzas, even before I address omissions that will be pointed out by my beta test readers. They often demand additions of new sections, and I usually agree to one or two of these demands. Making those additions will of course take me further past the 80 stanza limit. So I expect cutting will be hard.

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Another docket space and the scary part

Lots of progress in the last two months. I did the docket space again and began to sort out the various bits and pieces that I had, over the last decades, pushed ahead into the last two sermons. Again this method worked beautifully. The key question was where to draw the line between the sixth and seventh sermons – this is answered. On that basis, I wrote some more. Now the sixth sermon has a pretty detailed structure and 41 completed stanzas – as usual, I expect not all of those will be among the 80 stanzas of the finished sermon. The title is changed again, to “Our Maps and Territory”. The seventh has a rough structure and 15 complete stanzas; it remains named “The Universe Machine”. Many of these stanzas are old, some over ten years, but most are new.

The scary part is the seventh sermon will open with a novel theory of consciousness that I have been incubating since before I started the sermons in 2012. This theory has always been intended to turn up somewhere near the end. I have the insanely bold, possibly megalomaniacal, idea that this theory might actually solve the hard problem of consciousness. This is extremely unlikely to succeed. But it’ll at least be a serious attempt. To make that attempt, I need to finally put the vague exciting ideas in my head down into language structured enough to see whether they’re actually coherent… let alone right. Before I do this in poetry, I’m doing it in prose, and talking with friends who know more about philosophy than I do. If the ideas turn out to be crap, which is very likely because so far all explanations of consciousness have, I do have a plan B. But plan A is the utterly mad one.

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The home stretch

For once, I can report a large amount of progress. The last few days have been the most productive of the entire project so far. I now have a complete draft of the fifth Secular Sermon, now titled “The Words our Voices Raise”. I’m now nervously showing this draft to a very few very select friends, in order to get their feedback and to find those mistakes that only become apparent when I read the text out loud, rather than just see it written.

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Adventures in docket space

Over the last few days I have experimented with a method of writing that was new to me. It is very well described in professor Edward Slingerland’s blog post There is Only One Way to Write a Book. In my (new) experience, this method works quite well! So if you plan to do a big complicated piece of writing, it is worth a thorough read.

If not, basically the idea is to put all the notes and ideas you have onto little pieces of paper (I say “dockets” for short), lay them out in a big room, and arrange and re-arrange them into groups and sequences that eventually produce an outline, which you then “only” need to fill out when writing.

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Iterations

For a secret reason, this site may receive its first publicity in late summer. So I have refurbished the site design a bit, especially to make it more friendly to mobile devices.

Very small improvements on some older parts of the text. Minor progress on the fifth sermon.

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Making the most of it

The translation of One of Us that I was working on was basically finished after only 3 months. This surprised and delighted me a lot, because it is only half of the 6 months that I previously thought was an ambitious schedule! But I’m not publishing it yet, because as I said it is for my grandmother’s birthday, so it’ll premiere in July. Again the translation led to some very minor improvements in the original English text.

If I can translate Sermons at such speed, that implies I should be able to have a translation of The Love that guides Humanity ready in July as well. But instead I have broken ground on the fifth Sermon, working title “The Signal and the Voice”.

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Working hard on “Unsereins”

As I said, I have been working on translating the third Sermon into German. This has gone pretty well so far: out of 80 stanzas, 40 now have decent translations, after less than two months.

Despite 40/80 I’m not half done, since I tend to do the easier stanzas first. Right now I have the first 22 stanzas, but 23 and 24 are really tricky to translate so they’re not done. Then I have 25 to 28, but 29 is hard again. 30 to 76 only have a sprinkling of completed easy ones here and there, and 77 to 80 are done. But “done” is relative – from experience I know I’ll be tinkering with most of the completed stanzas at some point, in order to get them from decent to good or very good.

But still, I remain on track to get it done by summer. I’m pretty proud of that, because it’s a very tight tempo compared to my baseline, and because I’m doing it in the middle of a divorce, while doing a lot of parenting and while kicking ass at work. I can’t be sure the current pace won’t be disrupted at some point, so I better keep it up as long as I can.

From the swamp

Like a lotus flower blossoming from a swamp, the fourth Sermon was published from amid the horrific chaos that currently is my personal life. So I failed to do the usual quarterly progress reports for Q2 and Q3.

There is progress to report, though.

  • The fifth Sermon, working title The Signal and the Voice, exists in the earliest of draft forms, and at some point I’ll manage to scrape together a full day to start serious work on it.
  • I have recorded The Love that Guides Humanity, Children of the Milky Way and Kinder dieser Galaxie, and re-recorded the first three Sermons, on better recording equipment than last time. A dear friend is currently working on postprocessing the recordings so I can put them online.
  • The translation of the second Sermon into German now stands at 50 out of 80 stanzas translated satisfactorily. This has led to some (very minor) improvements in the original English text.
  • I have fun trying to rap the Sermons. This is very different from the sedate pace at which I usually deliver them, and I’ll need to practice the skill of rapping a lot until I can do it convincingly. I hope this alternative style can make the text interesting to some of those who don’t like long slow guided meditations (i.e. almost everybody). Practicing this also helps me notice and improve lines in the text that previously were too difficult to pronounce quickly.
  • Yesterday I published on LessWrong the central insight about love that I got out of writing The Love that Guides Humanity. This is the polar opposite of the poetry version: detailed, nerdy, dry, difficult, and hopefully a pretty watertight argument.

On the personal side, there’s a long and arduous road ahead, and it seems unlikely I will make much progress on the fifth Sermon anytime soon. But I wouldn’t rule it out.

Beta version of the fourth Sermon

After six years of much-interrupted work, I have completed a preliminary version of Sermon number four, which ended up being named “The Love that guides Humanity”. It still needs polishing, and I’m hoping to collect feedback which parts need the most improvement from some friends.

This has been by far the hardest Sermon to write, because while the first three dealt with settled facts and only offered a particular perspective on them, the fourth is an answer to questions that aren’t as clearly settled. What is the central difference between humans and other animals? How is it to be understood? How shall we move forward as a species? What is love? I started out without sufficient answers to any of these questions, with only a vague notion that they have to hang together. It took a lot of research, meditation and thinking, squeezed between my many other duties. Writing this felt much like writing a thesis, a statement how I think these questions should be answered truthfully. While I shun being personal, I have to accept this cannot be more than my answer. I am curious to find out if others find it convincing.

The last year in particular has in many ways been the hardest year of my life so far, perhaps excepting the very first years when I was so ill I might have died, but I barely remember those. It is tempting to feel a romantic notion where this is kind of a sacrifice that I had to make in order to be able to give the answer in this Sermon. In sober terms, it clearly held me back and impeded the work.

Otherwise, I have made small bits of progress on the translation of the second Sermon into German. And I made a poem on the war in Ukraine that I haven’t published yet. But mostly I’ve been tending to my roots rather than growing new leaves into the light of truth.

Another weak quarter

In Q1 2021 I have made negligible progress on the Sermons. Technically not nothing – there’s a little bit of work on translating the second Sermon into German – but still a lot of lost time.

The reasons are the usual – the kids and my job are taking so much out of me there’s not enough left. And we’re still in lockdown because Covid-19 is faster at mutating than we are at producing vaccines. Humanity and I need to get our shit together.

A bright spot was that I discovered the ReEnchantment podcast by Daniel Lev Shkolnik, who seems like a fellow traveller on this mostly untrodden path and does a wonderful job developing rich spirituality without supernatural assumptions. If you like the Sermons you will probably like this podcast and should check it out.